What if… ? Oh well…
What if I hadn’t slept walked through high school and gotten
something better than a “C”? Oh well, that was a long time ago and it doesn’t
matter anymore, besides was I anymore oblivious in high School than anyone
else?
What if I had a good singing voice instead of being able to
draw? What if I could sing and draw? Oh well, I already have enough trouble
staying focused. Probably the last thing I need is more options.
What if I had understood what was up when Ricky’s aunt
invited me to give her a backrub? Oh well, I was sixteen and she was forty and
it took a couple of more years for the possibility and then the certainty to
enter my mind.
What if I had actually gone to class and hadn’t flunked out
of Queensboro Community College? Oh well, it makes a good story to tell to
people who are worried about their kids’ choices.
What if I had married Harriet instead of Andrea? Oh well,
that would have been a mess too, just a different kind of mess. What marriage
wouldn’t be a mess when you’re twenty-one?
What if I had stayed in NYC and tried to be a full time
artist? Oh well when you come to a fork in the road you can’t really take it.
What if I had hung out at the Cedar Bar and gotten to know
Jackson Pollack and Jasper Johns? Oh well, my career in education has been
great and my chances of dying of AIDS or an overdose much reduced.
What if I had been as good a father as I aspired to be? Oh
well my kids love me and I’m a better grandfather than I was a father.
What if I hadn’t been such a jerk in my relationship with
Mariellen? Oh well, then I’d still be with her and wouldn’t be with Deb and I wouldn't have missed that for the world.
What if I had passed on the vasectomy and had a couple of
more kids? Oh well, I got enough damn kids already and the grandkids keep
coming. Talk about an embarrassment of riches!
What if my mother could hear me reading this? Oh well, she
loved a good country and western song. Who’s to say she can’t.
What if my knees hadn’t given out and I was still running?
Oh well, at least I haven’t had anything replaced… yet.
What if I’d finished my PhD program at Brandeis? Oh well,
staying 28 years in my job in Coventry resulted in a big pension that allows me
to do pretty much whatever I want with my time.
What if when I got my weight down to 175 I’d kept it there?
Oh well, who wants to live forever anyway?
What if I had stayed in Central America instead of coming
back to The States? Oh well hay mas tiempo que vida.
What if I had gotten the job directing the American program
at the Ecole in Switzerland? Oh well, now I’ll probably get to try another
couple of years as a Peace Corps volunteer in Central America, besides all that
chocolate and cheese in Switzerland would have made me even fatter.
What if I had read all the things on this list instead of
censoring some of them? Oh well, dangerous writing, writing without fear,
doesn’t necessarily mean you have to give up all your privacy.
What if I didn’t speculate endlessly about all of life’s
missed opportunities? Oh well, what fun would that be.
