The Boy
The
boy was not as young as he appeared. His smooth skin and round cheeks made him
look no more than sixteen, but in fact he was twenty. The crew appraised him as
he came aboard the ship in Boston. They looked at his thin wrists, ankles, and
neck and doubted he could do his share. “Better a cabin boy, than a sailor,”
they thought. For some the notion of buggering him came forthrightly to mind. In addition to his sea bag, the boy carried
a fine leather box with brass fittings. It contained his beloved squeezebox.
“Well,” thought the crew. “If he can’t haul the anchor at least we’ll get a jig
out of him.”
That
night with the coast still in sight and the moon rising full on the horizon,
the crew had a party. The one-eyed fiddler, The Moor on guitar, and the boy and
his squeezebox provided music. Several of the men sang. There was some vigorous
dancing, but all preferred the ballads of lost love. The finest voice belonged
to a sailor named Young Matty. He sang the last song before all turned in for
the night.
I leave my heart wi thee my love
Tho forc’d from thee to stray
Wi tear stained grief I onward move
And lonely make my way.
How tedious will the hours appear
Each day a year to me
For ah! my love, my only dear,
I leave my heart wi thee.
Every man thought about what he was
leaving behind and what lay ahead. It might be as much as a year before they
saw home again.
The
Boy realized he’d never played with a musician as fine as The Moor. The notes
from the guitar flowed like water under, over, and in between the traditional
melodies he and the fiddler knew. Later, below decks in his hammock, he fell
asleep and dreamed about black fingers dancing above ivory inlays, touching
down on brass frets.
The Moor
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For
as much as a fortnight The Boy did well enough. He was as agile as a monkey and
showed no fear. He had surprising stamina. He could keep pace with the hardest
working of his mates from dawn to dusk. However, it was clear to all that what
he lacked was strength in his arms and shoulders and back. The crew
accommodated him without resentment because he was modest and quiet. He said
little beyond a mumbled, “No, sir. Yes, sir,” but he smiled readily. His
nightly music enchanted his shipmates and inclined them to lend a hand when he
needed it.
Then
it all came to an end. There came a blow, not even a storm just a good strong
blow. The boy and four others were high up the mast, taking in the sails. He
lost his grip and fell. That should have been the end of him, but his foot
tangled in a rope and he swung into the sail. In desperation, he grabbed
whatever he could get a hold on. The canvas gave way at a mended spot and began
to tear. The boy road the rip to within ten feet of the deck, snapped loose,
and landed on his back. He lay there with the wind knocked out of him, but no
bone broken and hardly a bruise. All around him there was chaos as the able
bodied men scrambled to save the flapping, tattered sail and control the ship
as it rocked in the wind. The captain fought the wheel and shouted orders. The
boy struggled to his feet still having trouble breathing and then vomited over
the rail. The Moor grabbed him around the waist out of fear that he’d go over
board and yelled in his face, “Just get out of the way, boy. We’ll deal with
you later.”
When
order was restored, attention turned to the boy. No one had any taste for it,
but a flogging was clearly in order. His shipmates dreaded what was to come,
especially those who had felt the lash, but his error was too grave to ignore.
The captain signaled the Moor to proceed. The black man laid his beautiful
hands on the boys shoulders and said, “Take off your shirt, boy.” The boy knew
the jig was up, but he shook his head, “No.” The Moor said, “As you wish.”
He was tied to the mast and the
Moor grasped the back of his shirt and ripped it open. In the tight quarters of
the ship there was little privacy and modesty was non-existent. However, in
that moment, many of the crew realized they had never seen the boy without his
shirt. For the first time they glimpsed where his thin neck met his narrow
shoulders and they saw his delicate shoulder blades. They also saw that his
chest, just above the rib cage, was wrapped tightly in a gauzy, white band of
fabric.
The Moor understood the situation
before the others. He stood behind the boy, blocking him from view and said
over his shoulder, “Captain, if you would, please step forward.” The Moor could not deny that he was
amused and aroused.
The Captain also quickly understood
the situation, “Sweet Jesus!” he muttered.
The boy looked over her shoulder
into the Captain’s eyes. There was a shift in her voice and manner. All
pretenses were dropped.
“Captain,” the boy said. “As you can see, I’m no seaman, but
if you spare me the lash, I assure you this will be a voyage you won’t soon
forget.” The boy stated this with a confidence she had never shown as a deck
hand.
The Captain
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The Captain looked like a captain.
He was handsome and vigorous. He came from a wealthy family and had grown even
wealthier during his decade at sea. He was an exceptional businessman. His
trips were profitable to a degree that others viewed with suspicion, especially
since he never dealt in slaves. He had the loyalty of his men because he fed
them well, paid them generously, and treated them fairly. And yet, he knew, and
they knew, he was not a natural leader of men. He often didn’t know what his
crew wanted or expected from him.
There was no ease between them. He sensed that the boy had created a
crisis in which he had much at stake, but he hadn’t a clue how to resolve it.
As he often did at such times, he relied on the Moor. He looked up at the black
man questioningly. With a wide grin, the Moor yelled, “Take her to the
Captain’s quarters. We’ll get to the bottom of this in private.” Had the Moor
stressed the words “bottom” and “private? Would his facial expression best be
characterized as a grin or a leer? Whatever the case, the crew was left on deck
feeling relieved and giddy. It seemed their young mate would be spared the
lash, that he was not a mate at all, that he was a she, and that the routine of
their working lives had been broken by a most entertaining series of events;
events that they’d be telling stories about for years to come.
Balance and routine were quickly
restored. The Captain had no taste for drama and he had the advise of The Moor
to rely on. The Boy became the cook. Since the cook couldn’t cook and was a
better seaman than The Boy, this arrangement pleased everyone. Rather nice
quarters were constructed for The Boy in a storage locker off the kitchen.
Included were a rope strung bed frame big enough to accommodate The Boy and The
Captain when he visited. His visits to the room off the kitchen were occasional
and in his own quarters, on many a night, he continued to teach Young Matty to
read. The Moor made it known that The Captain had proprietary rights to The
Boy. She was working off the debt she had incurred as a stowaway, but the debt
was only owed to The Captain. None questioned the correctness of these
arrangements. The food improved. The Boy, The Moor, The One Eyed Fiddler, and
Young Matty entertained the crew more evenings than not. Young Matty could read
many passages of The New Testament with few prompts. He studied hard. Often he
didn’t emerge from The Captain’s Cabin until dawn. The Boy enjoyed her times
with The Captain. His visits occurred once or twice a week and were vigorous
and enthusiastic, if brief and a bit impersonal. The Boy was no stranger to
whoring and this was easy work. She slept well those nights, dreaming of
beautiful black hands. In her dreams, The Moor’s hands no longer attended to
his guitar. Rather they touched her white body, gliding over smooth skin,
grasping handfuls of soft flesh, slipping out of sight.
One night The Captain fell asleep
in The Boys bed. Two hours later he awoke hot and sweaty with fever. He swung
his feet over the edge of the bed, intending to dress and go back to his
quarters, but he was too sick to rise.
“Lay back down and get under the
covers,” The Boy said. The Captain fell back against the pillow. The Boy
pressed against his back to warm him and pulled the wool blankets over the two
of them. The Captain sweated and shivered in her bed for three nights. She gave
him water and tea and soup when he was able to eat. At times he seemed hardly
conscious even if his eyes were open. During one of these spells he became
aroused and moved to cover the boy. She accepted him. He radiated heat from his
fever and his movements were slow and unfocused as though they were making love
in a dream. It had been a long time since the boy had found the body of a man
so pleasurable.
When the fever broke and The
Captain slowly regained his strength and vigor, they began to talk to each
other. This is part of what they said:
The Captain: I’ve never dealt in
Africans, but my family has. I’ll take no part in making a man a slave. I think
slavery is a temptation from God; a test that will show us what price we put on
our souls.
The Boy: I came aboard your ship
because there was a man who meant to do me harm. He reckoned he owned me. He
said if I didn’t do as I was told he’d kill me, but the things he told me to do
were killing me.
The Captain: I’m the third son. My
oldest brother has the business. The next went into the clergy. They sent me to
sea in this ship when I was fifteen. When my father died, it became mine. Now
I’ve sailed it as captain for ten years.
The Boy: I would have played my
squeezebox and served beer in the saloons, but the man told me I had to pay my
way. By which he meant I had to pay both of our ways. There was nothing I could
say no to if the price was right.
The Captain: My brother can’t abide
me because my voyages are more profitable than his. You will think it is gold
or rum or molasses or any of the other things I trade in that makes the money,
but it is tea. Tea, of all things, has made me rich. I’m done with sailing.
I’ll be a businessman in Boston.
The Boy: The Moor says I’m a fine
musician. I’ve never heard anyone who played better than him. When we play
together I feel I’m good too.
The Captain: Maggie, you need not
receive me here in your room. I’ll not force you or hold your passage over your
head.
The Boy: I’m not doing anything I
don’t want to do, Will.
The Captain: Can I have a song
then?
The Boy:
Sometimes I'm up, and sometimes I'm
down,
(Coming for to carry me home)
But still my soul feels heavenly bound.
(Coming for to carry me home)
If I get there before you do,
(Coming for to carry me home)
I'll cut a hole and pull you through.
(Coming for to carry me home)
If you get there before I do,
(Coming for to carry me home)
Tell all my friends I'm coming too.
(Coming for to carry me home)
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As
Young Matty mastered bible verses he would read them aloud to his shipmates as
they sat and smoked a pipe when the day’s work was done. They marveled at both
his literacy and the stories. One evening off the coast of Spain, he read one
of his favorites:
Immediately Jesus made
the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side... Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from
land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
Shortly
before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were
terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately
said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
“Lord,
if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out
of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to
sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus
reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little
faith,” he said, “why
did you doubt?”
Young Matty
That night Young Matty dreamed he had become the masthead of the ship. As is
possible in dreams, he was carved from wood and, at the same time, he was his
own familiar flesh. His feet skimmed across the tops of the waves and against
his back the bow of the boat pushed him forward with all the power of the wind
in its sails. He knew The Captain steered the ship and he felt deep faith in
The Captain. Young Matty, as the masthead, held a bible open in his hand and
even in the rush of wind and waves he kept his eyes on its pages and sounded
out new words.
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In
the ship’s hold were many bolts of fine fabric. The Captain had told The Boy to
take as much yardage as she wanted. She had sewn herself dresses, skirts, and
blouses of simple designs that contrasted with the richly patterned and
brightly colored cloth. Many of the men thought she looked like a gypsy,
especially when she played her squeezebox. She made herself as pretty as she
could and walked along the deck, past Young Matty reading the bible to a circle
of sailors, and made her way to The Captain’s quarters. It was quite rare that
she would seek him out. She knocked on his door and said, “Will, I don’t want
to disturb you, but could we have a word.”
“Please
come in, Maggie,” he replied.
She
stepped in and looked around the room. She saw a whole shelf of books, a chess
set in mid game, a fine telescope and other brass instruments, a writing desk
with logs, account books, and journals. The Captain’s bed was covered with a
quilt of a design she had seen her Mom sew; tumbling blocks it was called and
the contrast of light and dark fabric made it look three dimensional.
“What
is it, Maggie?”
“I’m
not sure where… how to begin.” He waited. “Will, I’m going to have a child… a
baby I mean.” She began to weep. He said nothing and she cried harder. He
approached her.
“This
comes as a surprise,” he said.
She
said, “I know what I am and what I am to you. I don’t want anything… anything
more from you, but I thought you should know and I want to go home. I want to
go to my Mom to have my child. She is a midwife. If I’m not with her, I will be
too afraid. When we’ve crossed back will you take me to Providence.”
“But
you’ve told me it isn’t safe for you in Providence.”
“The
Moor says he will take care of it.”
“Did
you tell him you were pregnant?”
“No,
but I told him I wanted to see my Mom and I told him what the man had
threatened me with and he said he would fix it so I had nothing to fear.”
“Well,
if he says he will, he will.”
There
was a long silence and then The Boy turned and left. Quite late that night,
long after she had fallen asleep, the boy felt her bed shift as The Captain lay
down next to her. She held up the cover and felt the heat of his skin against
her body. Usually, when The Captain came to her in the night no words were
spoken, but this night, he delivered a speech that had perhaps been taking
shape in his mind the whole evening or perhaps he’d been thinking it over even
longer.
“Maggie,
I’m a peculiar man and there is a kind of affection I don’t have in me. I
intend this to be my last voyage. I’ll be a businessman in Boston and The Moor
will captain my ship. In my new life, I’ll need a wife to keep my house and raise
a family and see to certain social demands of the community. Since the family
is now begun, I want you for my wife. I will provide for you and respect you.
This child and any others that come along will grow up in prosperity. The
attention and pleasure you have provided me on this voyage have been more
important to me than perhaps you realize. As we have been to each other these
last months, I would hope we could continue to be for a long time to
come.”
The
Boy had long ago stopped believing that her life would be guided by love or
romance or passion and she could recognize a good deal when one was laid before
her. “Yes” she said, “I shall be your wife, but I must go to my Mom and have my
child in her care. I’ll join you in Boston as soon as I can travel.”
Three
months later, they were married in Newport and then the ship sailed up the bay
to Providence. As The Boy was going ashore, with a large sum of money in her
purse, The Captain said to her, “Maggie, you will be coming to me won’t you?”
“Yes,
I’ll be coming to you, Will,” she replied. Then she handed him the fine leather
box with the brass fittings that contained her squeezebox. “Keep this safe for
me.”
Mom
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“Well! Look what the cat dragged in!” Mom shouted.
“And looking mighty fine, too. And my goodness with a bun in the oven!” Mom was
a whore and a midwife to whores. It was often said she had once been the
best-looking woman in Providence. However, she was quite fond of food and booze
and opium, so her legendary career was much diminished. Still she was better
off than many an old whore. She had a little house along the river, not far
from the docks. A policeman, a former governor, and a minister still visited
her. They had many a fond memory of her from the old days and saw to her safety
and comfort. As she looked at her daughter, the elation she had felt when The
Boy first appeared evaporated.
“Oh,
but darlin’, what’ll happen when he hears you’re about?”
“Its
been taken care of.”
“But…”
“There’s
nothing to fear, Mom.”
Nothing To Fear
Late
into the evening they sat together warming their feet before the fireplace.
They sipped tea. Mom had laced hers with rum.
“Maggie,
my love,” Mom said. “Why are you here, dear?”
“Isn’t
it obvious? To have my baby.”
Mom
sipped from her cup. ‘No, child. Not at all obvious. Why aren’t you with your
husband, in his fine house, in the care of a good doctor?”
The
boy stared into the fire for a few long minutes. When she spoke to her mother
again it was in a calm, confident voice.
“Well,
you see, Mom, I cannot be sure whether my baby will be white or black and I
didn’t want to receive the answer to that question in the presence of my
husband.”
“Ah,
my girl. You’ve gotten yourself into a fix, haven’t you.”
“I’ve
been in worse, Mom.”
The
older woman loved her daughter, but, like many a mother and daughter, over the
years, they had been a great disappointment to each other. Perhaps, Mom
thought, now we’ll all get a new start.
“And
if the baby is black, my dear, what will you do?”
“There’s
no shortage on this waterfront of girls who would be happy to have their white
baby raised by a wealthy family in Boston.”
“Ah,
Maggie. And so we get to the real reason you’re here. You know full well any
such girl would have found her way to me.”
The
Boy looked at her mother over the rim of her teacup. The rim was gold and just
below it the cup was encircled by a garland of tiny, blue, painted flowers.
“Do
you know any such girls, Mom?” The boy asked.
“A
few, my dear. A few.”
The
Boy’s breasts got huge and her milk flooded in. She thought, I never could have
passed myself off as a boy with these tits. She mastered feeding both The Twins
at the same time, their tiny swaddled bodies crisscrossed in her arms, a greedy
mouth sucking with surprising force on each of her nipples.
The
twins were less than a month old when The Boy and Mom disembarked from the
little steamer that had brought them to Boston from Providence. Each carried a
wicker basket holding a baby. The Captain was there to pick them up in a
carriage.
“Maggie,”
he said. “What have we here.”
“Our
sons, Will. The Twins.”
He
looked into the baskets at the two faces deep in sleep. Each of the infants was
wrapped in a quilt of a design he knew well. When he had first gone to sea, his
mother had sent him off with a warm quilt of this same pattern. “I see one of
our sons is of dark complexion, Maggie.”
“Indeed
he is, but he is no less ours for his blackness. His mother came to Mom for
care. She was a freed woman, not a slave, but totally alone in the world. The
birth was terrible.” The Boy got tears in her eyes and her voice quavered. “The
black girl made me promise to take care of the baby… then she was… gone. I put
the baby to my breast when he was less than an hour old. Since then, he has
been as much mine… ours… as his brother.”
The
Captain extended his index finger to his black son who grasped it without
hesitation.
It
was only a ride of fifteen minutes from the dock to the house The Captain had
bought as a home for his new family. The carriage passed through a gate and up
a circular drive. It stopped in front of a large white wooden house. At the
very top of the house’s roof was a small porch surrounded by an iron railing.
From there, The Boy thought you could see the harbor and await the arrival of a
ship, but he’ll be here already. There’ll be no one I’m waiting for. Then she
saw that Young Matty stood in the door way of the house smiling broadly as they
all arrived.
In
response to The Boy’s quizzical look, The Captain said, “This is Young Matty’s
home, too. I have made him my ward. I’ll see to his education and a ship is
being built that he’ll captain when he is ready. He has quarters above the
carriage house. There are also rooms there for The Moor. He will be part of our
household, as well, when he is not at sea.”
That
night The Boy was reunited with her squeezebox and she sang a song for them:
Well go down yonder Gabriel
Put your foot on the land and sea
But don’t you blow that trumpet until you hear from me
Well look way over yonder
See people dressed in white
I know it was God's people I seen 'em doin right
Oh look way over Jordan
What do you think I see
I see a band of angels and they’re comin’ after me
Well
meet me Jesus meet me
Meet me in the middle of the air
And if these wings should fail lend me another pair
As they had been to each
other those months on the ship, they continue to be for a long time.
The Twins
In
the summer of 2013, I met a woman named Joke Bijl-Costerus. She was a sailor
and played the accordion. She sang a Dutch song about a girl who goes to sea
disguised as a boy. That was the beginning of The Boy.
John Kotula